Well, I think having a baby is about one of the biggest life changes that can happen. It even trumps getting married. One day you're going about life in a normal way, the next, all hell breaks loose because suddenly you're responsible for a helpless little life that depends on you for absolutely everything, and has no sense of time or schedule. (This all being said at 6 months pregnant... I'm only going off the experiences of others, which I don't doubt are true!)
I'm facing this change, and it sometimes really freaks me out. Other days, I'm more confident because I know I have a lot of support from friends and family and available resources for advice and direction (thank God for the internet!). I really couldn't be more thankful that I have a husband who is as excited about this child as I am, who already loves Baby S, and who is committed to supporting me as I take care of our offspring. I can't imagine trying to raise a child alone, and have huge respect for single moms that make it look easy (or just survive doing it!).
My biggest fear is that I'll screw something up, and my little boy will grow up not knowing Jesus personally. Or that he will resent my choices for the way I raised him someday. I begin to understand a little how God feels about His children who reject Him and His ways. Never for a moment does He stop loving us, but we break His heart on a daily basis by choosing the world over Him.
Anyway, I'm not saying all this to get sympathy, or for anyone to console me with the "oh, you'll be a great mom" platitudes. That doesn't help me at all (in fact, it kind of annoys me), and you really don't know if I will or won't be a great mom. I don't even know. Some days I think I'll be fine, and other days I feel overwhelmed just with the thought of it all. Encouragement in more subtle forms is much more useful, and I'm less likely to reject advice if it isn't thrown in my face. Prayer is always fantastic (but it doesn't have to be in person). I know that God will provide the strength I need, when I need it.
I know only 3 people will read this, but I just needed to vent a little.
This is completely off topic, but I kind of hope Baby gets K's hair. ;-) It's thick and wavy, and he was adorable as a kid.
2 comments:
You were pretty cute as a kid too. (Yes, that's a little self-serving. :-P)
I am probably person #4. So :p~ On a more serious note, these are all thoughts I had whilst I was pregnant, and a few minutes ago too. Ryan and I often wonder if we'll be good enough parents. I joke about giving our kid enough material to keep the counselors in business but Ryan doesn't find that funny. I think you were raised in an awesome way and that should serve to help you very well, especially because that cool Mom of yours is just a phone call away. I have been both praying for you and thinking about you lately. We should catch up and lament about not being perfect.
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